Human Giver Syndrome

Human Giver Syndrome is rooted in the belief that some people (human givers) are morally obligated to give their resources to others (human beings). This dynamic creates an imbalance where givers are expected to prioritise the needs and desires of others above their own.

I came across this term while reading Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA (you may recognise Emily from the Netflix show The Principles of Pleasure) and it was like ding ding ding ding alarm bells in my head.

I even ran a poll on my LinkedIn for a couple of days and it looks like no one over there knew about it either.

If you haven’t heard of it before here is an explanation:

“Human Giver Syndrome - the contagious belief that you have a moral obligation to give every drop of your humanity in support of others, no matter the cost to you - thrives in the patriarchy, the way mold thrives in damp basements.” –Feminist Survival Project podcast.

The term seems to originate in philosopher Kate Manne’s book Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny. In Down Girl, Manne describes two classes of people: "human givers" and "human beings." Human givers are expected to provide their time, attention, and affection to others, often without regard for their own needs.

How Human Giver Syndrome Impacts Business:

• Overcommitting to work and personal responsibilities: Women and queer people may feel compelled to take on extra tasks or support colleagues/peers emotionally, even when it negatively impacts their own work or health.

• Suppressing their own ambitions: The pressure to be selfless can lead to women and queer folks sidelining their professional goals, resulting in slower career progression and fewer leadership opportunities.

• Experiencing higher levels of burnout: Constantly giving without adequate reciprocation or self-care can lead to chronic stress and burnout, diminishing overall productivity and job satisfaction.

For women in business, Human Giver Syndrome manifests in several ways:

• Emotional Labor: Women are often expected to manage the emotional climate of their workplaces, providing support and empathy to colleagues without it being part of their official job description.

• Work-Life Balance: The dual burden of professional and domestic responsibilities can be overwhelming, as women are typically expected to excel in both areas simultaneously.

• Leadership Gaps: Despite being highly qualified, women may hesitate to pursue leadership roles due to societal expectations of selflessness and the fear of being perceived as too ambitious or assertive.

And Queer people face unique challenges related to Human Giver Syndrome:

• Navigating Authenticity: Queer folks often feel pressured to conform to heteronormative expectations, which can stifle their authentic selves and creativity.

• Emotional Toll: The need to constantly educate and advocate for LGBTQ+ issues in the workplace can be exhausting, especially when this labour is undervalued or unrecognised.

• Discrimination and Microaggressions: Queer individuals may experience additional stress from discriminatory practices and microaggressions, compounding the effects of Human Giver Syndrome.

Here’s how it looks for me:

I’m a woman, a mother, a partner, a business owner, an activist, a volunteer, a daughter, a sister, an aunty. I’m also disabled, and queer, and neurodivergent.

In group situations I always feel the need to speak up for groups who aren’t present, to ensure their voices are heard e.g. if a business is talking about inclusive policies for Rainbow Communities but there isn’t a broad range of voices at the ‘table’ during the conversation.

My work capacity is limited to part-time, and I often feel pressure to fit people in for meetings etc. outside of the timeslots I’ve allocated for that day/week.

I feel pressure to attend in-person events (networking etc.) when realistically that is incredibly difficult for me right now, so I also manage the guilt that comes with that and sometimes the FOMO.

I feel pressure to “show up” in certain ways in my marketing, something I’ve recently decided to say “f*ck that” to.

When I say “pressure” I mean from the *gestures* world around us. Society as-we-know-it expects certain things of people depending on what flavour of person they are.

It’s harder for me to grow my business because of these limitations, and many more that I can’t think of right now.

Addressing Human Giver Syndrome in Business

To combat Human Giver Syndrome, it is essential for businesses to:

• Promote Self-Care and Boundaries: Encourage employees to prioritize their well-being and set boundaries around their time and energy.

• Value Emotional Labor: Recognize and compensate the emotional labor that women and queer folks contribute to the workplace.

• Foster Inclusive Cultures: Create environments where diversity is celebrated, and all employees feel empowered to express their authentic selves.

• Support Leadership Development: Provide mentorship and leadership training specifically tailored to address the unique challenges faced by women and queer individuals.

So, why should we care?

Understanding and addressing Human Giver Syndrome is crucial for creating equitable and inclusive workplaces. By acknowledging the unique burdens placed on women and queer folks and actively working to alleviate them, businesses can foster a more supportive and productive environment for all employees.

P.S. You can get a copy of the paperback here.